Throughout his life, Marv Gomez has been linked with all manner of shady deals and nefarious deeds. Ranging from the petty theft of street kids' snot encrusted hankies to direct responsibility for the 1987 Mesopotamian Croup epidemic. Arrested in 1983 for the smuggling of Saskatchewan wildebeest testicles into Chinese Tibet, Gomez was mysteriously released without charge, and has since remained illusive to both the police and the world's media alike. Despite an overwhelming lack of evidence against him, Gomez is still thought to have his fingers in several criminal pies, including the pie of drugs, the pie of pornography and even the pie of high-ranking international government corruption. It was recently reported that Gomez was photographed, by US spy satellites, at the scene of the sale of second-rate, third-hand soviet weaponry to Inca warlords intent on overthrowing the Spanish Conquistadors. This throws up the possibility of Gomez also having his fingers in the pie of arms.

Over the years, Marv Gomez has been linked with an increasingly spurious string of beautiful women. However, there seems little doubt that he is an inveterate womaniser and the prying lenses of the scum press are constantly churning out blurred and badly airbrushed photographs of what purports to be Gomez and his latest conquest. Apparently cruising the world's exclusive resorts on a diet of fast cars, fast boats and fast food, flashing his gold teeth, glass eye and steel hand, Gomez has caught the public's imagination, whilst eluding the public eye. A never-ending stream of Latino beauties and swarthy Romeos claim to have experienced or be descended from the Gomez loins, sparking rumours of his incorrigible sexual appetite and powerful seed.